Given Back

Excerpted from The Holy Man by Susan Trott ©1995:

Chapter 8:  Grieving Man

“I have lost my wife,”  he told Joe (the Holy Man) when Joe invited him to sit down.  “She has been taken from me.  She is gone.  I loved her so much.  Now I will never see her again.”

“Did she die?”

“Yes, that is what I am saying.  She is gone.”

“Well, she could have left.  That would have been worse.  Then you would still never see her again but have to suffer the added pain of rejection.  But this is very sad.  I am sorry that you had to give her back before she gave you back.”

“I beg your pardon?  Give her back?”

“Yes, you are adding to your grief by being such a victim.  If you say to yourself that you have given her back, you will feel better.  Because, you see, she was never yours.  Nothing that you have is yours.  It never was yours.”

“But that’s crazy, my possessions are mine.  My children are mine.  And my wife…”

“No, they are not yours.  Only you are yours.  Not your possessions, not your children, not your wife.  You will have to give them all back.  You do not get to keep any of them.”



  1. markonit

    …while my Mother was not as adroit with her language, this was a lesson that she clearly imparted upon us as her children… miss her and other loved ones… yes… but I am also happy for them because they have become one with everything as we all truly belong to each other, here and now, to others in the past, as well as those yet to be…


  2. wow! I never thought of loss quite this way. It does HELP


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