Tag Archives: short

Words

If you hear the phrase “that we might” or the word “lest,” you can bet somebody is talking about dead soldiers. You never hear someone say, “I bought popcorn that we might eat it, lest we want a snack.”

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99

I hope Jay-Z and Beyonce last forever. It’s not because I’m a romantic, it’s because I know if they don’t the headline will read “Jay-Z’s 100th Problem,” and I just don’t want to see that.

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Fin

“Don’t you hate ‘to be continueds’ on TV?  I mean, the whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends.  If I wanted a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life.”  ~Jerry Seinfeld I know it’s a joke, but I think he could be on to something with …

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Oceans

One of the depressing things about the missing Malaysian airliner (besides the obvious) is that apparently the ocean is so filled with oil slicks and rafts of garbage that debris from a crashed plane just doesn’t stand out.

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(un)Happy

Pharrell Williams has a song on the charts called Happy. My friends like it.  It has won awards.  News sites are writing articles about how much everyone loves it. But I just loathe that song.

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Social Convention

When the president says “All options are on the table,” what he means is, “If I don’t get what I want I’ll just kill you, drag your corpse out of the way, and take what I want.”  Apparently this a socially acceptable way to negotiate. This is relevant to me at the moment, because I …

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Literal

Here’s a question:  if God didn’t want Eve to eat His apples, then why did He put them in the Garden of Eden? Seriously, the Man had literally an infinite amount of space and time in which to stash His apples.  It wouldn’t have been too difficult to put them out of reach. It just …

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Self-ish

I think the biggest problem in the world today is “selfishness,” and by that I mean that people continue to put their own wants and desires ahead of mine.

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Tipping

I think we should reverse the paradigm on tipping. From now on, diners will announce prior to the meal how much (if any) they intend to tip, and the server will adjust his service accordingly. This system would be more fair.

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Darn it all, anyways.

Sometimes I like to light a candle AND curse the darkness.  The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

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SNL

Wow, Saturday Night Live was bad last night.  I just feel so bad for everyone involved. You could actually see careers shriveling up and dying right there on stage.

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Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

“He’s not the first gay guy in the NFL. He’s the first one to come out.  Every team I played on– I think I played on 5 different teams– there was someone gay in the locker room.”  ~Deion Sanders, on Michael Sam (source) Of course the only way he could know that for a fact …

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I borrowed my wife’s shampoo…

…and now my hair smells like Passion Fruit.  😀

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The Vegas odds of me getting together with Ellen Page remain unchanged.

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Ottoman

I think the very best thing I ever did for my back was to throw away my chair and replace it with an ottoman, so I can sit cross-legged while I’m at my desk.

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I continue to age, but I have a picture on the wall of when I was young that still looks the same. So my life is like The Picture of Dorian Gray, reversed.

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Tips

I over-tipped the waiter an lunch today because he was a truly awful waiter and I knew that would probably be the only good tip he’d get all day. That’s not really the way the system is supposed to work.

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“The Supreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts, that’s their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thoughts. Hmm… Sounds like every commercial on television, doesn’t it?”  ~Bill Hicks

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Little John

If I ever make a music video, I don’t think I’ll invite Lil Jon to be in it.  He’s one of those guys who just seems to command attention, even when his role is really very minor, and if he were in it then nobody would be paying any attention to me. Just ask Usher.

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Sochi

There’s only one Winter Olympic sport I’m really looking forward to watching, and that’s curling. (That was an aside.)

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